Supporting non-gender conforming children as a separated parent
Knowing how best to support a child who is struggling with their gender identity can pose a challenge for any parent. Rebecca Patience, senior associate solicitor in our family law team, looks at some of the challenges faced by separated parents of non-gender conforming children.
Protecting your child’s wellbeing
Divorce and separation can often be a stressful and confusing time for any child. When a child is questioning their gender identity or dealing with gender dysphoria, this will likely compound any feelings of vulnerability that they are experiencing. Your child’s emotional wellbeing will likely be a significant concern so it is important that your child feels listened to and loved.
Gender identity for children can take many forms. One of the most common barriers for parents is a lack of familiarity with the key concepts. Having a familiarity with appropriate language and terminology is good starting point, to demonstrate to your child that you are committed to listening to how they are feeling.
Cisgender refers to a person whose gender identity and expression are aligned with the gender assigned to them at birth.
Gender Dysphoria refers to a person experiencing distress because their gender identity does not align with the sex that they were assigned at birth.
Gender Non-Conforming is a broad term referring to any person whose gender expression and or identity does not conform with the sex assigned to them at birth, or an individual who does not identify with a specific gender.
Nonbinary refers to a person who doesn’t wholly identify with male or female gender, regardless of biological sex. They may prefer certain pronouns to others.
Transgender refers to a person whose gender identity is different from the sex that they were assigned at birth.
Facing disagreements
Parental separation can become a combative situation, particularly when parents disagree on how to parent their children, especially when it comes to important issues relating to a child’s physical health and emotional wellbeing.
Some issues that may be the source of disagreement between the separated parents of gender non-conforming child may be:
- The name that your child wants to be known by;
- What pronouns your child would like to be used when you address them;
- What clothes your child might want to wear;
- How your child might want to style their hair;
- Whether medical intervention is appropriate.
All parents with parental responsibility have a legal right to be involved in decisions pertinent to their child. For example, deciding what school a child should attend, whether a child can change their name or what medical treatment they should undergo.
Separated parents of a gender non-conforming child should try to keep their child’s needs at the forefront of their thought process. Parents should attempt to resolve any disagreements that they may have in the most amicable way possible.
Parents should try to approach matters in a child-focused way – considering:
- The child’s age, background and any other relevant characteristics;
- The child’s physical, emotional and educational needs;
- The potential impact on the child of any change to their circumstances;
- Any harm (or risk of harm) suffered by the child;
- The wishes and feelings of the child.
Parents may want to consider mediation, as a means of engaging in a constructive conversation. In some circumstances, the option of child inclusive mediation may also be appropriate. This gives your child a voice and provides them with an opportunity to share their worries and concerns in a safe way.
For more information on mediation take a look at our previous blog. If agreement cannot be reached by way of non-court dispute resolution, it may be necessary for a referral to be made to the Court, to determine how matters should be resolved.
Legal action
When it comes to the question of medical intervention, the Court has determined that such decisions should sit with the child, their parents and the treating clinicians, rather than the Court. From the age of 16 children are able to make their own decisions, independently of those that hold parental responsibility for them.
Children under the age of 16 can be deemed to be “Gillick competent”, meaning they can give consent to treatment. Assessing whether a child is deemed to be Gillick competent is assessed on a case-by-case basis, by the treating clinician, and will depend on the child’s understanding, maturity and the gravitas of the decision at hand.
In relation to changing your child’s forename or deciding whether or not your child’s hair should be cut, the Courts may be minded to intervene. Whilst the Courts have historically been reluctant to change a child’s surname if your child expresses a clear view about wanting to change their forename or wanting to cut their hair. They are committed to their gender identity, the Court may make an order to change their name or cut their hair if refusing such an application would cause emotional harm to your child. The Courts primary focus is to ensure that the child’s best interests are promoted.